It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the liver wants what the liver wants
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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