he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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