I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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