yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
