UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize