apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
