dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
