Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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