Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
time to smoke my breakfast
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
