remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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