i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
