just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Too much gin, very little bucket
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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