I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
