we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
