...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
