Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We are all done wearing pants today
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
