Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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