jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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