I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
