There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
