Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
