my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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