oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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