Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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