He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
