um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
