you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
