ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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