I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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