Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize