____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
