I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
