I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
