before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
