I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is my gift to your gina
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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