She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
