i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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