True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
