is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
