I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
