my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
