Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
