His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
