I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
