Me too!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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