I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
