Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
