seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
