Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
