Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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