Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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