So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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