TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
