a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
