yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
