and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
