Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
