he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
