Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
