so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
