Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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