i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
