he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
two words: eviction party
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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