Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize