My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
