I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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