Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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