she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just come out here and I will go home with you...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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