i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
