Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
