that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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