I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She's the barista slut.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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