True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
