She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
me + whiskey = a bad person
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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