his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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