Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
