So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
