Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
