i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Even my vagina gasped.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Someone came in the potted fern
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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