He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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