Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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