Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
