Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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