So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
