Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
