...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
