pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize