don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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