what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
