i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
