Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
