I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
