I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
