evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
