Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
