Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
