So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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