Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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