I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
