whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
