The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
