I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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