You're my little dorito
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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