I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
