I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
