"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
