Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
